Peculiar Things to do At---#3

PECULIAR THINGS TO DO AT...

THE MALL!:)

1. No roller-skates, No skateboards, but I don't see any rules against Unicycles!
2. Drop dishwashing detergent in the fountain.
3. Climb into a window and pose! (I did this while visiting Kelsi...and this lady at the dippin' dots stand like went ON AND ON about how good I was and how she thought I was fake...and asked me questions about my uniform and pay...which I answered accordingly, while Kelsi died laughing)
4. Go to the Gun Store. Ask if they also sell Ski Masks.
5. Set up a lemonade stand.
6. Put the "50% off" signs on different racks.
7. Try things on backwards and ask employees if they look alright.
8. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
9. Ask mall cops for stories of World War II.
10. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture".
11. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
12. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."
13. Play the tuba for change.
14. Annoy the piano players at Nordstrom’s by making endless song requests.
15. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
16. They have electronic carts at the mall too! You just need some form of I.D. and something to leave there as insurance. They go super fast! *personal story about this at the end*
17. Switch the men's and women's bathroom signs.
18. Yell: 'I Like Toast!!!' when it gets too quiet
19. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's! Can I help you?"
20. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
21. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.
22. Get on the first step of the stairs, wait, and tell other people the escalator must be broken.
23. Ask the cashier if they take pesos.
24. Wear sunglasses, carry a cane, and set up a pot in front of you that says “Help me, I’m blind” and see how much money you get.
25. Test all the mattresses and beds.
26. Go to sleep in the bed display at department stores. Stir and snore when people walk by.
27. Set all the alarm clocks in the electronics section of a store to go off at the same time
28. Stick a price tag on yourself and sit on a shelf
29. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "my shoelaces!”
30. Glue pennies to the sidewalk and see how many people stop to pick them up
31. Pick a fight with a display mannequin.
32. Exchange the menu's at different restaurants.
33. Go scuba diving in the water fountain for change
34. Direct a ride in an elevator like a flight attendant. (See our Peculiar things to do in Elevators list, coming up in January!)
35. Put out of order signs on all the restrooms..
36. Set Up an Obstacle Course For the Mall Walkers.
37. Set Up Valet Parking.
38. Walk up to people and claim you’re their cousin.
39. Run down an escalator that is going up.
40. Start a food fight in the food court
41. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
42. Ask people how to get to the mall. 
43. Sneak around like you did something wrong. 
44. Attempt to lead the children in the play area in a glorious revolution 
45. Drop change, ornaments, spitballs, etc. on people's head from the second level.  
46. Try to Use Lawn Gnomes as Currency. 
47. Stand right next to a random person and suddenly shout “NO MEANS NO!!!” in their ear.  
48. Sing off-key and perform choreography to the song with friends. Set up a tip can.
49. Speak to the store clerks in a strange un-understandable language.
50. Do a slow dance in the middle of the mall with a mannequin wearing a tuxedo 
51. Go to the bathroom and post an "Out of Order" sign on every toilet. 
52. Catch jars of bugs. Release them all in crowded areas. Watch the ensuing Chaos.
53. Gather the coins from the fountains to buy stuff from the food court.
54. Go to the customer service desk and have them page a random person. When they don’t show, throw yourself on the ground in a tantrum.
55. Stick fake flyers advertising sales all over the mall.

*PERSONAL STORY:

Okay, so recently I went to visit Kelsi where she lives. And while there we had SO much stinking funny stuff happen to us because of electric carts for the handicapped! Not only did we find my stalker security guard boyfriend (Read Peculiar Things to Do at Wal-Mart-Older Posts) BUT WE HAD STRANGE experiences in the mall as well! SO we went down to rent an electric cart at the service desk and we were so excited because all we had to do was leave Kelsi’s I.D. there and we had it! But the only problem was we needed another one because it would’ve been really dumb if we just had to switch on and off, if we both could’ve ridden one. SO we had someone else go and get us one! AND THEY came back in this like super turtle slow-push and pull-WHEELCHAIR! NOT ONLY was it a wheelchair that you had to push, but it was like made for 500 pounds and up, apparently, because I am not kidding, it was the hugest thing EVER! BUT they had ran out of electric carts, so he had just brought us that! So we realized that it was actually pretty funny! SO, Kelsi is like struggling along in this wheelchair informing me that her turn on the electric cart needs to be very soon, when I saw this button on it that had a turtle on one side and a rabbit on the other. And I was like "WONDER WHAT THIS DOES! And I turned it all the way to the rabbit cause it had been all the way on the turtle! WELL, GUESS WHAT? It was the speed button! WORD OF CAUTION: NEVER ever turn a uncontrollable cart on that can move forward at the speed of lightning when THERE ARE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF YOU! I just like flicked the handle to go at full speed once and it like zoomed off! If I had a hat on I would’ve been holding it! In the meantime, Kelsi’s like back in her huge ol’ wheelchair yelling at me (much to the amusement of passersby, I’m sure) thinking I’m just goin off to have a great time, while I’m actually freaking out, thinking I’m going to like run into an old person and be banned from that mall for life or something! One quick lesson: When you ride the carts, DON’T FORGET THEY ARE ON AT FULL SPEED while exiting a crowded elevator, like I did! I was in the elevator with these 2 old people, and I like remembered “Oh, I need to back up to get out of here!” WELL I SURE DID! At full speed, and I just like SLAMMED INTO the back of the elevator! The old people like jumped out of the way, probably frightened that this maniac was going to bust right through the elevator! And it took me FOREVER to get out, while the old people stood there and waited! Back-Up-and-Hit-the-wall,zoom-forward-and-hit-the-wall-back-up-and-hit-the-wall-again, was like the pattern for the next five minutes! And it was terrible because I couldn’t have just let them out because I had just zoomed in after them and the big ol’ cart was blocking their way. And they felt sorry for me cause’ I had to ride in one! LOL! So finally, I meet up with Kelsi in the food court, and we exchanged. SO NOW, I was in this big ole’ HUMUNGO wheelchair! You do NOT know how hard it is to push one of those things! I decided I was going to go into this Fossil Store, and immediately, BAM! I ran into their front display! And quickly, this quite-good-looking young man rushed to move it out of my way! After hitting about the fifth display, and apologizing profusely once again as the good-looking guy rushed to move it, I decided that game wasn’t so bad! I just had to have extreme control over my urges to die laughing! LOL! So after me and Kelsi FINALLY MEET again, and I have RASH burns all over my arms because of the dumb wheelchair, and I have ran over all of Claire’s Sale Signs and made all the prissy girls there mad at me, and offended the guy in the candy store that wouldn’t give me free water, and spilling the 16 waters that I spent 25cents apiece for because I was dying of thirst ALL over me! It was SO stinking crazy! We got lost and separated sixty times and had to go around the whole mall looking around for each other! And we made this lady mad because we were like riding and pushing along next to each other and yelling and laughing and she freaked because we weren’t handicapped….and I wont tell you what we did next to irritate her just in case my parents ever read this blog someday…LOL!

HAPPY HOLIMAS!

--Cara