Mama, HELP! #1 -- Stuck in the Stairwell

Have you ever needed help in those emergency situations where you just can't scream "Mama, HELP!" because she happens to not be there? We are now here to help you in WHATEVER way you may need/want with this weekly (or more, if needed) post.
Are you stuck in a hospital stairwell? (Well, you couldn't exactly be stuck in an ACTUAL stairwell at this moment because you would not be reading this right now, you would be earnestly searching for a way out!) ANYWAYS....
So let me ask you... Have YOU ever been stuck in a hospital stairwell before? Well, if you haven't, PRAY HUNEE, PRAY THAT YOU DON'T EVER EXPERIENCE IT! In the meantime, you should always be prepared for any near-death experience, or otherwise.
In the emergency situation of being stuck in a hospital stairwell, here are some things to keep in mind:

• Never, EVER go up and down the stairs over two times (or 48 no less). It really wears you out, and panic and weariness are NOT good things, especially when mixed together.
• Never open a door if you don't know what's behind it. This can turn up some very interesting things, like water heater tanks, and angry people in lab coats.
• Do NOT bang on the door of a waiting room. The rude teenager with a face full of zits is most likely not your guardian angel. This could really cause some major embarrassment, hysterical laughter from the audience, and your face just MIGHT turn red. Unless you are dying in that stairwell and haven't reached someone to come get you, just sit and WAIT for rescue.
• If you ARE dying or haven't reached someone, and are banging on the door of a waiting room, and some rude guy with a beard happens to pass by and just shake his head, BANG HARDER.
• ALWAYS CARRY AN OXYGEN MASK IN YOUR PURSE/POCKET. This can come in handy for NOT ONLY a stairwell situation, but also other things like sinking in quick sand, some really hot guy passing by, etc.

Okay! So here is exactly what you should do when stuck in a stairwell:

• BREATHE!
• Do NOT panic.
• Call someone. If you do NOT have a phone handy, you will have to deal with the embarrassment and bang on a waiting room door.
• If you have called someone, tell them where you are in the stairwell, and sit and WAIT for them. Continue breathing. Everything will be okay!
• Once your rescuer gets to you, ignore all the laughs and stares of the fellow peoples nearby. They have no clue what you just went through getting stuck in a stairwell!
• Also, when you are exiting the stairwell through the waiting room door that someone so graciously opened, do NOT ask stupid questions such as "Is this the hospital or medical building?" This could bring some strange stares and more hysterical laughter from your audience (and the nurse that your sister dragged along to help rescue you).

That's all for now! Remember, if you have ANY questions, FEEL FREE TO ASK!! We are here to help!
~Kelsi